[Disclaimer: This is a long read. It’s dense, it’s layered, and it demands your full attention. So block a little time out, sit with an empty head, and read it with patience. Let the points land. And if 40 minutes feels like too much to you, just remember, you’ve happily re-watched the 3-hour-long Godfather-1 (and probably quoted it too) over 11 times. So skip one rewatch, and let me walk you through the lessons even Corleone missed.]
If you’re a man reading this manual, hi! Thank you for choosing the rare and noble path of self-improvement. I promise, by the time you’re done reading this, your EQ will go up by a respectably cute percentage.
(And if you’re a woman reading this, hi to you too. Give it a read & drop your suggestions in the opinion box at the end, especially if you want to highlight something I missed!)
From this point forward, this manual is written primarily for men.
And before you say, “Why should we listen to a woman about how men should behave in a relationship?”, fair question. But who else are you planning to take notes from? Your male friends, who are equally clueless and keep giving each other random, useless advice that only amplifies chaos? The boys’ WhatsApp group that peaks at “bro, you deserve better”? Or Reddit threads where lost men exchange impressively bad, borderline misogynistic takes with each other?
Really, who better to tell you how to treat a woman right than a woman who has been observing & studying relationships rise and crash, deep-diving into human behavior, and literally collecting raw, honest feedback from over 50 women across ages about what their partners lack and should do to improve?
Another thing I’ve heard men say, with great confidence and zero self-awareness, is: “Men shouldn’t learn fishing from a fish.”
Sure. Fair. But newsflash: women aren’t fish.
And unlike actual fishing, where the point is to catch the fish, kill it, and eat it, women don’t just die the second they say yes to a man (or do they? lol). Ideally, that’s not how this works amongst Homo sapiens.
Fishermen might know how to catch a fish, but they know batshit about what to do once it’s caught apart from killing, selling, or eating it. That’s your problem too. Once the thrill of the chase is over, once you reach the finish line (which is actually the starting line), you don’t know what to do & end up blowing things up. So, if you want to break out of this pattern & genuinely want to upgrade the quality and lifespan of your relationships, then just listen to me with minimum mental resistance.
But before we even start this manual, let’s flush out one big turd that men keep tossing around: “What does she bring to the table?” Yeah, that Andrew Tate–flavored brain fart. This is not Shark Tank; neither is she pitching for Series A funding, nor are you some investor with the chequebook. Approaching a relationship thinking like that is wrong, and let’s understand why.
So, back in earlier times when we were chilling in caves, gender roles were neatly divided. Men hunted in jungles, put food on the table, chopped wood, went to wars, and protected the family from wild animals (and other deranged men). Women ran the house, raised children, and made food in the kitchen. This made sense, maybe, 500 years ago.
But now? You’re not going out after office to hunt a deer for dinner (are you?). Both men and women order food off Zomato or tell the cooking didi what to make. We live in gated societies with guards at the gate. Both men and women fly planes, drive cars, and book cabs. Handyman work? Urban Company. Most of us, irrespective of being a man or a woman, make money with our intellect and a laptop.
So the actual question is now flipped: As a man, in today’s times, what do you bring to the table that she can’t? And the answer is nothing. Men have lost the traditional leverage, and that’s both beautiful and tragic.
Beautiful, because when a woman chooses to be with you now, it’s not because you’re the food provider or bodyguard; it’s probably because she genuinely likes you. Tragic, because most men don’t know how to be liked for who they are. You (the men in heterosexual partnerships) primarily only know how to make money and solve problems (which is essential). But here’s the thing: women can do that too now. So for a woman today, your money isn’t a value-add anymore, except, of course, to a gold-digger who doesn’t give two hoots about you.
For the first time in history, women are no longer marrying men for financial security. And men? Men are failing miserably at this new game.
Most men don’t know how to give love, how to receive love, or how to sit with intimacy. They’ll spend hours learning financial models, negotiation tricks, random car facts, and advanced Excel formulas but will put zero effort into building their EQ, which is the primary ingredient of any healthy relationship.
You barge in a relationship with ZERO skills needed to run or sustain it, and when it blows up, you go into blame mode: “Women are so complex… I always hated relationships… I’m just unlucky… nobody ever stays with me…” yada yada yada. It’s literally like a guy who doesn’t know how to write a single line of code, has ZERO skills required to do the job, and is crying and howling that Google isn’t hiring him as a software engineer. Make it make sense. It’s so stupid.
So c’mon, gentlemen. Let’s smoke some relationship literacy. Lets begin
To become a better partner, we first need to understand what partnership really means. At its simplest, a partnership (or relationship) is a safe space where two people feel secure enough to be silly together, peaceful enough to do life together, and tuned in enough to have fun together every single day (or at least on most days).
But here’s the thing: this state between two people doesn’t come naturally from the get-go. It’s built over time, carefully, delicately. Think of it like the lifecycle of a silk saree. First, you weave the raw fabric, thread by thread. Then you embroider it, make it personal, vibrant, beautiful. Finally, you maintain it, protect it from bugs, dust, and time. That’s exactly how you build a relationship too. So, treating a woman right and becoming a better partner through all three phases is the skill we’re going to learn today.
Phase 1: The Weaving
The How of weaving:
Weaving is done one thread at a time, passing yarn back and forth until a fabric takes shape. In relationships, conversations are those threads. They form the basic foundation.
Most men suck at holding conversations. Why? Because they don’t ask questions. Here’s an example. If I tell a guy, “Hey, I’m leaving for Kerala this weekend,” the usual reply is something like, “Oh, I’ve been to Kerala too, back in 2022. Went with my friends. It’s nice, beaches and hills, blah blah.” Wrong. That’s not weaving. That’s hijacking. She opened a window, and instead of peeking into her world, you plastered your own story on top of it.
Here’s what you should do instead- Ask. Say something like, “That’s nice! Who are you going with? Have you been there before? Where are you planning to visit? What made you pick Kerala? What kind of travel do you usually enjoy? How often do you travel? Where all have you been?” These questions open doors. Then she’ll ask you things in return. That’s how conversations flow, cute little back & forth. By the end, you’ll both know something new about each other.
So when she shares something with you, don’t instantly jump into sharing a similar incident from your life. Instead, ask follow-up questions about HER story. Lead with curiosity, sir, & please ask questions.
The What of Weaving:
Now you know how to talk, but what can you even talk about? Start small. Talk about random things. Share stray thoughts from your day. Ask her about hers. Don’t only lean on intellectual debates; become each other’s “reporting officer” for the mundane.
Over time, we get so consumed by our professional lives that we stop sharing the “insignificant” little things with each other. And yet, those are exactly what build closeness. Now you may be like, “What’s the ‘point’ or ‘logic’ in sharing random insignificant stuff with her?”
Here’s the logic: it keeps you connected. By sharing the small, silly bits of your day, the kind of stuff you wouldn’t even tell anyone else, you create intimacy. It’s always the little things that build the big things. You think they’re irrelevant, but they’re not. Not sharing them creates gaps; sharing them proactively builds intimacy. Think about the random little things you know about the friends you consider close. They feel close BECAUSE you know these silly things about them, because you share a memory box, or because you can peek into each other’s box of mundane.
Sharing the mundane also builds safety. The difference between a stranger and your partner is that you know each other’s quirks, the weird snack habits, the random preferences, the dumb thoughts. And they know yours. And you have to be brave enough to look silly, foolish, soft, and messy with your partner. That’s the whole point.
Here are a few cues to get your weaving started:
- Tell her something funny, stupid, or weird that happened during your day
- Click a photo of something that reminded you of a conversation you had with her (and send it)
- Hear a song you like? Share it with her
- Found something funny? Share it with her
- Stumbled on something weird? Snap it and share it with her
- Tell a childhood story, especially the cringey ones
- Rant about that one colleague who’s always too dramatic in meetings
- Share your unhinged opinions on random stuff.
- Share guilty pleasures, even if it’s trash TV or weird moves to a cringe song
- Recalled something embarrassing? Share it with her
It doesn’t have to be deep. It doesn’t have to be long. It just has to be consistent. This comfort in sharing the “useless” is the tipping point of a relationship. The moment you both stop filtering, that’s when the real net gets built, the one you fall back into when life gets rough.
Have active curiosity in each other’s lives. Ask. Listen. Toss the yarn back and forth. And for god’s sake, stop overthinking. Men often ask, “What will she think if I send this?” or “Will it seem too much?” Here’s the answer: if she likes you, nothing is too much.
Time is the Real Loom
Now you know how to do a two-person weaving activity and what conversations to weave it with. But here’s the next ingredient: time. Basic, I know. But without investing time, nothing gets built.
If you’re married or live together, go for a post-dinner chit-chat walk every day. If you are in a relationship & live separately but nearby, get on a casual 10–15 minute call daily and meet at least twice a month. If you’re in a long-distance relationship, then talk every day and try to meet once every 3–4 months.
And this isn’t just for romance; platonic friendships need time too. Daily calls aren’t necessary with friends, but meetups are. Once in 1-2 months if you’re in the same town. Once a year if you’re in different states. Everyone deserves 2–3 solid people outside of blood relations who truly care about them. If you find such people, protect them. Invest in them. Because here’s what usually happens: we neglect the ones who care, chase those who don’t, and end up with neither. You pushed away the former, and the latter never cared in the first place. Fix this. Invest time in people who care about you.
The Why of Weaving:
But why should you meet regularly & stay in actual touch? Because regular conversations and meetups make you approachable and builds that bridge of comfort. It enables you to TRULY be there for each other and makes you easy to approach. In times of need, no matter how deep a bond once was, if you’re out of touch, asking for help feels abrupt. But if you’ve got a consistent glimpse into each other’s lives, help doesn’t even need to be asked; you’ll be able to notice, and you’ll offer.
So put your ego aside. Take the initiative. Reach out. Block time with her for daily conversations (ten minutes out of 24 hours isn’t too much) and monthly meetups. Explore new things, ideas, and places together. These little moments of effort give returns that far outweigh the time you put in.
And then there are some online dating coaches who say shit like, “The power in all relationships lies with whoever cares less.” Sure, in business negotiations that might fly. But if you’re walking into a relationship with that mindset, you’re an idiot. Save the power games for boardrooms and appraisal talks.
Because here’s the truth: You might have more ‘power’ by playing some cheap mind games, but power isn’t happiness. Happiness comes from caring more, not less. Real connection isn’t built on the ego; it’s built on consistent effort, honesty, and the courage to be a little silly with your person every day.
Now, we’ve woven the fabric. Next, let’s make it beautiful with some embroidery.
Phase 2: The Embroidery
Like embroidery on a cloth, a relationship is embroidered with a man’s words and actions. The words are the needle, they point, they guide, they mark the path. The actions are the thread, they bring it all to life. The problem with most men today? They just talk. They poke needles everywhere, needle here, needle there. Talk, talk, talk. But no thread. No action. And what’s left? A fabric full of holes, with no embroidery. Pathetic.
So when you say you’ll do something, do it. Don’t just toss the needle around and leave marks everywhere. Put some thread into it. Get to work. Make it tangible. That’s why the biggest ick for women is the “gonna” guy: “I was gonna call back,” “I was gonna plan this,” “I was gonna do this,” “I was gonna do that,” but he never does. Or worse, he comes with excuses and accountability lower than jeans in a 2000s boyband video. Don’t be that ‘gonna’ guy. Put it in that thread; make sure that your words are not hollow, that they are backed by actions. Do some actual embroidery mister & augment the beauty of your bond.
So what actions can embroider beauty into a relationship? Let’s start with the basics:
- Give her flowers. And not just once in five years like you’re some fossilized partner from a soap opera. Push that number up to once a month or once every 2-3 months at least. As long as she is not allergic to flowers, it will brighten up her day. And it is so inexpensive; a rose costs just ₹20 in india (cheaper than your cigarette), and you’ll find flower sellers literally every 2-3 km if you just care to look with intent. And if you’re the kind of guy who forgets, fine, technology exists for a reason; set up a flower subscription, and fresh flowers will land at her door every month. It’s not about the money; it’s the intent.
- Plan things. I’m not saying you need to meet her every single day or take her to some overpriced fine-dining place every weekend. But once in 15 days, do something together. A dinner. A walk in the park. Some lazy time together where it’s just the two of you and no distractions. And for God’s sake, TAKE THE LEAD. Find a place. Book it. Don’t always dump it on her with the lazy, “I don’t know where to go or what to do; you tell me.” No. Step up & be a gentleman who plans and executes. And once every 4–5 months, plan a trip too. A short getaway. And when i say ‘Plan’, I mean sort the itinerary, the tickets, the stay, the works. Yes, split the finances if you like, no problem, but please plan the damn thing. Because here’s the truth: we (the women) use so much of our masculine energy throughout the day. At work, we’re in a constant cycle of planning, executing, managing, troubleshooting. At home, we’re sorting a million other things, on top of everything else women deal with daily. And when we’re with you, we want to switch that off. We want to be in our femininie energy with you; we want to not use our brains with you. Please let us. Don’t make us do the heavy lifting of planning everything all the time. Give the little soul a breather. Take the lead, sir.
- Give gifts. Love is such an intangible thing; gifts help make it tangible. They give shape to a feeling that otherwise just floats in the air. (And while you’re at it, initiate taking pictures together too.) Relationships and emotions are all invisible threads; the more we tangibilize them with little items and shared experiences, the more anchored and peaceful they feel. And no, I am not talking about Bollywood-style grand gestures, like staging a flash mob outside her office. I am talking about the little things, like, “Hey, I saw this, and it reminded me of you, so I got it for you” kinda stuff. It could be anything: a food she loves, a dress she’s been eyeing, a book she couldn’t find, or a silly trinket from a trip you went on (or a handbag lol). Literally anything. It’s not the price tag; it’s the fact that you noticed, remembered & did something about it.
- Help her turn off her vigilance system. And I cannot stress this enough: take proactive care of her physical safety. The world looks very, very different for a man than it does for a woman. Don’t just think like a man when you’re with her; put yourself in her shoes, consider all the threat exposures a woman faces, and mitigate them. (Watch videos on the safety threats women navigate daily for some real-world sensitization.). If her car is parked far, walk her to it. If it’s late, drop her home (in fact, always drop her home). If you’re in a cab together at night, make sure she’s dropped off first, even if your house comes earlier on the route, and don’t leave until she’s safely inside. Initially, I thought this was basic, that all men just do this instinctively, but it turns out, nope, a shocking number don’t. So please, make it a practice. Help her turn down her vigilance alarm so she can actually relax around you. And safety doesn’t stop at late nights. If she’s dealing with plumbers, electricians, shifting houses, or unloading furniture, be physically present with her and offer help. I’m not saying we can’t handle this stuff on our own. We can. We have. But it’s 10x easier when a man stands by our side.
- Pay Attention; Don’t Just Give It. Healed women (I wouldn’t recommend marrying or dating a chaos creator) don’t want your attention, they want you to pay attention. Sounds similar? It’s not. You ‘give’ attention when you submit to drama, feed artificial tantrums, or throw in a distracted “hmm” while scrolling Instagram. You ‘pay’ attention when you give intentional time. When you’re truly present. When you listen to understand. When you take her out. When you reach out first. Giving attention is a reaction; paying attention is a show of intentionality. Learn the difference.
- Initiate a hobby together: Do something with her. Pick up tennis on Sundays. Plan a 4–5 day camping trip in the Himalayas. Take the bike out for a long ride. Or even just a cute little drive to somewhere nearby. The list is endless if you have the intention to execute. Don’t wait for her to make the plan; don’t wait for her to suggest the activity. Take the lead, choose something, and make it happen.
- Go Old School. If you truly feel something for her and can’t say it upfront, then write it. Write it & share it with her. Be brave. Write letters. If you are proud of her, tell her; otherwise, how would she know? Will you feel loved by someone if they don’t express it? neither in actions nor words? No, right. So please, express yourself. Otherwise, what’s the point? There is no difference between you & a random guy on the street who doesn’t care about her if you don’t express yourself. Nothing reaches her from either of the two, & she continues to feel unloved. I know it’s difficult, but please, work on it & become more vocal.
- Love loudly. Hug her. Kiss her when you see her. And take the fucking lead. Men have become so emasculated these days; it’s tragic. Don’t overthink it. Even baddies need a kiss on the forehead from time to time. Love loudly. What are you scared of? Have some fucking courage. You have such an amazing woman by your side; stop hiding her. Life is short. Be publicly proud of her. Be brave. Be loud. Let me do the honors of quoting my favorite Bukowski here: “We’re all going to die. All of us. What a circus! That alone should make us love each other, but it doesn’t. We are terrorised and flattened by trivialities. We are eaten up by nothing.” So don’t be scared; be a man & love loudly.
All of these are little embroideries you stitch into the fabric of your relationship. Some days this, some days that. Over time, you’ll have something exclusively yours, beautifully yours. Do the embroidery, sir. Learn from the letters Richard Feynman wrote to his wife (what a man!). There is no ceiling. You’re literally at ground zero right now. The good news? Infinite room for improvement. So get to work.
Phase 3: The Maintenance
Once this beautiful sari with delicate embroidery is ready, the real challenge begins: keeping it free from food stains, protecting it from fabric mites that eat it away over time, and adding the two naphthalene balls for proactive prevention.
Food Stains
Food stains are the daily irritants, the dumb, absolutely unnecessary bad habits that come out when you’re living together. Stains need proximity. And proximity exposes everything: your bathroom etiquette, your food etiquette, and your house etiquette. Basically, the tiny stupid things that most men do on a daily basis without realizing & end up creating 100 unnecessary points of friction.
I’ve seen it over and over again; the majority of fights between a man & a woman living together are not about some big betrayal or dramatic event. No. They’re about silly and totally avoidable shit which when piles up, explodes. Most of my friends who recently got married or moved in with a man have similar complaints. And this is exactly why, before marriage, you think she is chill, she’s fun, and she’s light. After marriage? When she starts living with you, suddenly she becomes irritated, And you sit there wondering, “What changed?” This changed. Your ignorance made her life difficult than it was, so she is angry all the time & tired of telling you to fix the same thing again & again.
This difference exists because girls are trained from a young age to take ownership of everything related to them; they’re conditioned that one day they’ll get married and live in someone else’s house (hello patriarchy, my old friend), so they learn early. But with boys? Mothers become the invisible hand, doing everything for them, so much so that they don’t even realize these are responsibilities of a grown adult, and they should be doing them themselves. It’s tragic.
So when a man and a woman move in together, she is overtrained and he is completely untrained, and then the fights start. She points out the basics and tells him to act like an adult, and he gets irritated: “You keep nagging me; my mother never did,” etc., etc. See the problem? Your partner is asking you to behave like a grown adult, to take responsibility & clean up after yourself, and you’re insisting on acting like a child who never had to lift a finger (because your mother always did it for you). Grow up. You are over 25 years of age now; please cut the umbilical cord.
Thankfully, this problem is totally solvable. It comes down to three basic drills that every adult (irrespective of gender) must master and practice everyday. Just three. Master them, tattoo them onto your brain, and you’re already 80% ahead of the pack.
The Bathroom Drill:
Pre-shower
Enter prepared. Carry your fresh UGs and towel when you enter the bathroom. Before you even start showering, wash the underwear you just wore. With your hands. Yes, with your hands. I never thought I’d have to put this in a manual, but here we are. Recently, I found out some men just toss their UGs into the washing machine like it’s no big deal. Honestly? I was disgusted to the core. How dare you put your UGs, which probably have bodily secretions on them, in a washing machine with all your other clothes, or worse, with the clothes of other people in the house. It is disgusting beyond measure. If you’re one of them, stop today. Right now. No debate. Wash them yourself before you bathe, then take your shower.
Post shower
- If there are buckets, invert and empty them after use. Who are you leaving the leftover water in the bucket for? The next person isn’t going to use the water that you left; every normal person uses fresh water. And if there is no next person, then keeping leftover water like that in the bucket is just unhygienic. So, empty the buckets after you shower. Always.
- Then, put the things BACK where you picked them from. Don’t leave the shampoo bottle, soap, or loofah on the floor. Put them back where they belong.
- Clean the drainer (the little hole where water goes out) once you’re done bathing, every day. Take a tissue and sweep it over. It’s your responsibility to keep the bathroom you use clean. It is your bathroom!! This might even be news to most men because their mothers used to do it behind their backs, and they didn’t even know it was a thing that needed to be done. This is basic hygiene.
- Next, wipe the floor with a wiper to ensure it’s dry and not slippery for the next person. NEVER leave a bathroom floor wet.
- Take your dirty or used clothes out of the bathroom. Put them in the laundry bag or washing machine. NEVER leave them hanging on the back of the bathroom door. Who are you leaving them for? If they’re dirty, put them in the laundry. If they’re not dirty enough for a wash, dry them in the sun and put them on the chair later. Used clothes hanging on the back of the bathroom door breed bacteria (as bathroom is a damp room with no sunlight). That hook behind the bathroom door is to hang clothes ONLY for the time you’re showering; that’s it. So when you leave the bathroom, make sure that there are NO clothes on the back of the door; take them out with you.
- Then take the towel you used and the washed UGs and hang them to dry, preferably in the sun. DO NOT take these damp clothes back to the bedroom, and for the love of God, don’t dump a wet towel on the bed, I beg with folded hands. It makes the mattress wet and damp, and mold can develop in it. You sleep on it every day. Your mattress should be dry as fuck, always.
The Kitchen Drill
- Finish your food. If you can’t, scrape the leftovers into the dustbin, rinse your plate with water, AND ONLY THEN put it in the sink. Dumping plates with food still on them straight into the sink is gross and wrong. Nobody, not your partner, not even the house help, should have to touch your jhoota. It’s disrespectful, plain and simple.
- Reason one: The househelp comes to wash utensils, NOT to discard the food that you couldn’t finish eating. There is a huge difference between the two. Understand it.
- Reason two: Leftover food in the plates clogs the sink. Then somebody has to dig through your rotting leftovers before even starting their actual job (of washing utensils). Stop being that guy, please.
- Cooking is not a one-woman show. Both of you work. Both of you come home tired. So why should ONLY she cook while you relax? Isn’t she tired too? Can you cook a full meal every day after office? No, right? Then don’t expect her to do it either. You can’t do one job while she does two. That’s not an equal marriage; that’s exploitation dressed up as tradition. If you don’t know how to cook, there are two solutions:
- Hire a cook (₹5K/month is not too expensive).
- Can’t afford one? Then get in the kitchen, chop the veggies, stir the curry, and knead the dough. Do it together, like a team; she is not your assistant.
And for heaven’s sake, stop calling it “helping her in the kitchen.” It’s NOT HELP; it’s your responsibility too. You’re going to eat that food too. How are you “helping” by doing what you’re responsible for?
The House Drill
- Make your bed. You’re not a schoolkid; you’re a grown adult. The moment you get up, make your bed. Leaving it messy is not “chill”; it’s sloppy.
- If friends or relatives are over, don’t sit in the drawing room laughing with the guests while your partner struggles alone in the kitchen. Either both of you are in the living room together, or both are in the kitchen together. Letting her juggle alone while you relax isn’t the standard; it’s patriarchy. Don’t be that man. Please, do better.
- If you live with your in-laws and there’s a clash between your parents and your wife, and you know she’s right, then stand up for her. Grow a spine. Don’t force her to blindly conform while you hide behind “peace at home.” You married her. You brought her into your house. That makes it your job to protect, defend, and fight for her when needed. If you can’t do that, maybe don’t get married at all.
- And clean up after yourself. Had coffee? Put the mug in the sink. Changed clothes? Put the dirty ones in the laundry basket immediately. Put things back where you picked them from. Nobody should have to clean up after you. it’s basic human decency.
- Laundry bag is full? Put the clothes in the machine, wash, dry, and fold. It is not your wife’s job to do your laundry or the laundry of the house. Why can’t you do it too? What is the shame in putting your own clothes in the washing machine & then putting them out to dry?
- Change bedsheets every Sunday. If your wife is busy or forgot, do it proactively. You sleep in that bed too. Stop waiting for your partner to run the house. You’re an adult, not an oversized child.
These three drills, Bathroom, Kitchen, and Household, should have been taught to you by your mother. But tragically, they weren’t (at least not to most men). Instead, she silently did everything herself, never letting you lift a finger, and in the process, crippled your ability to take care of yourself. So you grew up into an adult who doesn’t know jack shit about managing basic responsibilities. It should never be the next woman’s burden to do your parenting for you. She is your partner, not your mother. Just learn these drills and become better. These are basics. They should be ingrained in the subconscious of every adult.
Fabric Mites
Fabric mites are what slowly eat away at a beautiful saree over time. And in relationships, they look a lot like this:
- Silent treatment. When you shut down and withdraw in conflict instead of engaging in dialogue, expressing, and listening, it is the visual equivalent of stabbing someone. You end up stabbing both your partner and the relationship. You may think you’re maintaining peace by staying quiet or avoiding conflict, but all you’re really doing is the polar opposite of peacekeeping. Silence doesn’t build peace; it builds resentment. That avoidance slowly turns into disconnect, bitterness, and eventually, indifference. That’s how intimacy dies. Conflict is not the enemy. Silence is. Face it, talk it out, work through it.
- Running away from hard conversations. Relationships grow in uncomfortable conversations. If you only show up when it’s convenient and vanish when it gets hard, you’re not a partner; you’re a performer. It’s the hard conversations, the messy, tearful, difficult ones, that deepen connection. If you keep skipping those, you’re emotionally absent. And that’s worse than being physically absent.
- Ghosting & acting busy. Disappearing on your partner and not keeping them posted is disrespectful. You don’t have to talk 24×7, obviously, no one has time for that shit, but going 20+ hours without a single update is not kind. Takes just one message. One line. “Today’s packed; I’ll call you later” (and then actually call later). Just takes 4 seconds. Don’t use “busy” as a personality trait; it’s just code for lazy and disrespectful. Nobody thinks, “Oh, he’s so busy that he can’t even keep me posted; it’s so cool.” We just think, “It’s so sad that a grown adult can’t even communicate basic things properly.” You don’t gain aura points by replying late and acting mysterious; you just lose respect. And if this keeps happening, she eventually stops caring. So please don’t create friction where it isn’t necessary. It is totally avoidable.
- Inconsistency. Be dependable. Be someone who can be relied on, not someone who keeps the other person guessing, gasping, hoping, and doubting. Show up every day in your relationship like you show up every day at your job. Stop being super sweet and warm on Monday and cold and distant on Friday. Don’t get cozy for a week and disappear the next. This hot-and-cold game is one of the most toxic manipulation tactics. You are an adult; drop it. Be a man. Be consistent. If you’re forgetful, put calling your partner in your calendar. You never miss a client’s call or your boss’s meeting, but your partner? You forget easily. Stop taking people for granted & start showing up as a gentleman.
- Weaponised incompetence. This one’s a killer. At work, you’re giving TED talks, closing deals, writing code like a genius. But at home, you can’t find the kid’s school shoes? Forget the basics? You do household work soo poorly on purpose so that nobody asks you to do it again. That’s not incompetence; it’s weaponised incompetence, and it’s exploitative. It’s your house too, take responsibility. She knows what you’re doing (even if she stops saying it). And when this resentment build-up will peak, she’ll leave, and you’ll be shocked: “I don’t know what happened, she left out of nowhere; I never did anything wrong.” It is slow corrosions like this that silently destroy a relationship.
- Emotional volatility. If you’re explosive, unpredictable, reactive, and ragey, you’re unsafe. She shouldn’t be scared to bring something up because she doesn’t know how you’ll react. Everyone’s calm when life’s going well. But when shit hits the fan, how do you react then? How do you speak when you are stressed? How quickly do you lose control? What tone and pitch do you use under pressure? Saying, “I’m good all the time, but I just use harsh words when I’m angry,” dude, that’s exactly when you need to be respectful. Everyone behaves well in good times. (If you behave badly even in good times, honestly, you belong in a psychiatric ward.) This is emotional volatility; fix it. Learn to self-regulate. Go for Vipassana. Actively work on your poor emotional regulation. This behavior might look cute in a 2-year-old, but it’s embarrassing in a grown adult.
- Micro Dismissals. Intimacy doesn’t die with a bang; it fades with a shrug. Most relationships don’t collapse because of grand betrayals; they slowly erode under the weight of tiny, repeated dismissals. You might think you’re being “rational,” when your partner opens up and you shoot back with “Stop overthinking.” “You’re too sensitive.” “You’re being dramatic.” But what you are actually conveying to her is “Your feelings aren’t valid” and “I don’t really care about your emotions.” These are micro-dismissals. Invisible, seemingly small, but they puncture trust, one pinhole at a time. Over months and years, they teach your partner to bring less of themselves into the relationship. To stop asking. To stop expressing. To stop feeling safe. So if you really want closeness, if you genuinely want your partner to be open, connected, and emotionally naked with you, then hold space when it’s hard. Take their feelings seriously, even when your reflex is to brush them off. That’s how trust is built. That’s how love stays alive.
The Two Naphthalene Balls.
Establishing fighting and feedback are two proactive measures for preservation.
Fighting Well: Instead of playing the blame game, flip the script. Try this: mention 1 thing you did wrong and 2 things they did right. (I picked this up from Simon Sinek.) Try this instead of highlighting each other’s faults all the time. It shifts the tone from attack to introspection & collaboration. Try executing the opposite of the negative emotion you are feeling. If you are feeling angry & want to thrash the shit out of the other person, immediately hug them and stay hugged till the emotion releases. It will take time to change the natural impulsive reaction, but it is worth it. Have hard conversations, or at least show up.
Feedback: Communicate what you are feeling, make space for the other person to share, & when they do, truly listen with patience. Unspoken feelings build walls where there should be bridges. Sometimes, it’s not a lack of love that ruins relationships; it’s the silence. Because words heal what silence makes worse. Because people who care about you deserve a chance to understand you, not to constantly guess what’s in your heart & head.
Think of it like this: if you have a client, you’d sit with them, understand their problem statement, take feedback, incorporate it (without shaming the client), and come back with a better product next time. That’s literally how feedback in relationships works. It’s a shared project. Both people are the clients and the contributors. Both benefit from the sweetness of a good relationship. And both get hurt if it goes sour.
Now flip the example. Imagine you’re trying to build a relationship with a client to do business, but you hardly interact, barely show up, never call back, are inconsistent in your efforts, act super sweet one day and then disappear for weeks, don’t listen, want everything your way, take all feedback as personal attacks, and never improve.
Will it ever work? Of course not.
So why do you think it’ll work if you treat your partner like that?
Every relationship is reared by care. And how do you care? By giving it time, attention & intention. That’s it. It’s like taking care of the plant in your balcony. You and your partner are the gardeners. The plant is your relationship. You both water it. You both care for it. And then, you both get to enjoy its growth and beauty. Someone might say, “But what about plants in the forest? Nobody waters them, and they thrive.” No. Nature takes care of them. And in return, those plants take care of nature. You’re not part of that equation. That’s why you think it’s effortless.
Pretending you don’t care doesn’t make you valuable. It just makes you miss out on real connections. Nobody is sitting around thinking, “Wow, their emotional unavailability and nonchalant attitude are so attractive.” So stop acting like enthusiasm is embarrassing. People who matter aren’t turned off by effort. They’re turned off by mind games and indifference.
This whole “I want to look mysterious and detached” attitude? That is sick. Don’t be Sick. Be chalant. Be chivalrous. Play every role with full involvement (don’t escape life before you are actually dead; live a little). Be the most romantic boyfriend. The most passionate husband. The most expressive father. The most involved friend.
We all know the meaninglessness (Daddy Nietzsche), the absurdity (Daddy Camus), and the surreal dread (Daddy Kafka) of life. Even if you sometimes find yourself thinking, “What’s the point of it all?” even if it is all a useless act, so what? Play your part. And play it with passion. Go all in. Because if none of it truly matters, what the hell are you even holding back for?
Conclusion
Modern dating has turned into a competition to see who can care less. It’s disgusting.
CARE LOUDLY.
The world already has enough absent men. Enough cold men. Enough men who run when it gets hard. Enough men who think showing they care will make them look weak. Don’t add to that pile. Be the opposite. Be the man who leans in when it’s messy. Who steadies when it shakes.
At the end of it all, nobody remembers the guy who ghosted, withheld, or ran away (unless you are Vijay Mallya lol). They remember the man who showed up. The man who stayed. The man who chose love again and again, even when it wasn’t easy.
Be that man.
Treat her heart like a rare and delicate fabric, like the saree I started this manual with; handle her with care, attention, respect, and effort. Because, unlike fabric, you can’t buy people who truly care about you in the market. So if you are lucky enough to have stumbled upon a woman like that, treat her right and become a better man for her.
Don’t escape life by running away from beautiful things just because they require work. What are you here for, if not to do the work, to become better, and to enjoy life fully? Don’t run from it. Indulge in it. Let the beauty of a healthy partnership touch you.
Making big money, driving German cars, wearing Italian suits, and smoking Cuban cigars do not make you a man; they make you a performer.
A true man is the one who loves openly, cares loudly, and stands tall not for the mask he wears, but for the heart he shows.
So grow a spine. Grow a heart. And then, lead with both.
Because you can.
Until next time,
M.Dhariwal
Absolutely loved every single part of this article. You explained something so complex with such a soft and delicate example. In each part I was literally saying to myself, see, this is how simple it is just get up and do it sir, plss!!! You can’t just do the dishes in the kitchen, you also need to clean the water dripping from the washed plates, and you must wipe the counter too.
I think we, as women, are also rooted to celebrate whenever they do or take on some chore in the kitchen or, in general, any household task. We have to stop glorifying it (social media pe daalne se kuch ni hota bas). Anyway, I think even if you write a book on it, it will be really longgggg, and I know for sure all the women will be the ones reading it and the men, they will be the least to care. Ughh!!
But kudos to you for putting it out so beautifully. I wish more views on this article were from men than women. ❤️❤️❤️
This piece isn’t just for men — it’s equally important for women to understand how they deserve to be treated by a man and why they shouldn’t settle for the bare minimum. I loved how you articulated it 💕
I’m in love with this article. With every paragraph I found myself thinking Yes! This is exactly how it should be. I hope more men read this.
What I loved most is how such a deep and often complicated subject was broken down with simple relatable examples. Its not just theory or abstract advice its everyday actions that truly make a difference. From the smallest gestures like noticing the mess left behind in the kitchen to the bigger responsibility of emotional presence this article beautifully highlights what partnership really means.
One point that really struck me was the reminder that being a good partner is not about doing the bare minimum or expecting applause for basic chores. Its about genuine effort, consistency, and respect. So many women will nod their heads while reading this but I truly hope more men take the time to reflect and act on it because this is for them.
Kudos to you Meghna for addressing such an important topic with clarity, honesty and heart. This is not just a must read its something that should be shared widely. If even a few men pause and rethink after reading this it will already be a big step toward healthier more balanced relationships.
I just finished reading your article and honestly, it touched me a lot. The way you explained love through simple daily actions, equality, and emotional safety feels so close to what I believe in and what I wish for in a relationship. I could actually connect with your words because they reflect the values I try to hold in my own life. It didn’t feel like just advice, it felt heartfelt and genuine, and that’s what makes it so special. I really appreciate the way you’ve written it bro. it shows so much depth, care, and understanding. Truly proud of you for putting such beautiful thoughts out there.
You explain daily habits really well and show how they affect relationships. The message to “care loudly” is very clear and important. It reminds us that being there and taking responsibility is more important than big, fancy actions.